Losing Self-Control
The Will Smith and Chris Rock interaction at the Oscar’s 2022 teaches us profound lessons.
The way I perceived it…
A ‘joke’ is made. It has personal significance. The target is not impressed. Her partner’s initial reaction is to smile. It takes time for him to register what has been said. He realises. It has caused her hurt. He feels anger. There may be internal baggage. There may be underlying memories. To them, this is no laughing matter. His feelings intensify. It takes moments. He is not conscious of all the things going on within. There are intense flows, including those from the unconscious. It is not only the conscious that moves one to action, unconscious forces also move one to action. A concoction of these, conscious and unconscious flows, including those that arise from the past, exceed his threshold. The magnitude is immense, their rise is sudden. There is no time to process, to rationalise, to make sense of his inner flows. Feelings take over. ANGER. HURT. He loses self-control. He gets up. He walks over. He unleashes a mighty swing. He walks back. He sits down. He YELLS. He WARNS. DO NOT DO IT AGAIN. His heart POUNDS. We can all feel his anger. Later, he regrets.
The other, the one who is slapped, remains composed. He does not meet the aggressor with aggression. He does not engage with profanities. However, he too did wrong. He did not consider another’s feelings when making that joke. He was not empathetic enough. His sensitivity threshold was too high. Whereas, the other’s sensitivity threshold was too low. Somewhere in between there is a balance.
Who are we to judge? We too may have done similar things, albeit in different forms. We too have lost self-control.
What we can learn from this without judging or vilifying:
- We can learn to process our inner flows, so we remain in control.
- We can learn to respond in controlled manner. Each time we do so, we increase our threshold, thereby reducing the likelihood of uncontrolled outbursts.
- We can exercise quietness. We can take a few moments, a few deep breaths, to reduce the intensity of our flows, so that we can better regulate them.
- We can maintain our composure.
- We can maintain our #respect for others.
- In our actions, we must focus on the goal. What are we trying to achieve? Is there a better way?
- We can be courageous. We can stand up for what we believe in. We can take action. However, our actions must be good. They must be fair, they must be just. They must not be violent.
- We can be more balanced, less extreme. After all, nature thrives on #balance.
- We must not use ‘love’ as a justification to do wrong.
- When in the wrong, we must not hesitate to clearly say “I’M SORRY”.
- We can #forgive self and others.
Moments such as these can be re-awakenings. They can make us better. Even when we fail, we can get back up.
At some point in our lives, we each would have exceeded our thresholds. We have taken actions that we later regret.
#reflection on what enables us and our actions can help us become better.
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